10 Things You Need Right Now

Magazines love lists:
115 ways to get organized.
10 things that will drive your man wild (they're not talking about not flushing the toilet.)
One-day Decorating: 15 pretty projects.
25 Easy recipes.
10 ways to teach your child manners.
And other such nonsense.

Someone at work found this handy list. We do occasionally need fashion advice now that the daughters aren't around to approve outfits prior to leaving the house. Ten things seems simple and easy, so let's check it out.
1. Black / gold handbags. OK, why not. We'll try one. We prefer silver, but black is basic. How can you go wrong.
2. Red shoes. Looks like a 4" heel. Not with these bunions.
3. Belts. Seem harmless enough. Besides the pants are getting a little baggy.
4. Tunics. Fat chance. Only work if you're 6' tall with slim hips like a Spanish waiter.
5. White shirts. Now we're talking. Reminds me of my 12 years of uniform wearing in parochial school.
6. Narrow pants. Look like high-water narrow pants. Um. No. Too much emphasis on the large feet.
7. Dresses. How can you be against a dress. And a cute little shift dress at that. We'll take one. What the hell, make it two.
8. Bold gold necklaces. Sorry. Cleopatra we are not, even though Rome is the hottest show on HBO.
9. Black leggings. Only if dressing like Audrey Hepburn in the beatnik scene from Funny Face.
10. Boots and booties. Leather and crocheted foot warmers. How quaint. Love the boots, but your dogs would be barking after running at work all day in high heels.

4 for 10. Not so good. Here's what the hell we really need. Right now.
1. Sleep. For starters we'll settle for a good nights sleep.
2. Comfortable, yet stylish, shoes. . . . that don't pinch, cause blisters, corns or other ailments of the foot and don't like like they were designed by an orthopedic surgeon.
3. Jeans. A pair that fits without revealing my bum crack and back fat and tummy bulge. But not riding squarely at the waist, either.
4. Perfect underware. Somewhere between Granny Panties and a thong that won't survive one maching-washing is the perfect pair of undies. Mostly cotton with a hint of spandex. Minimal UPL (Unsightly Panty Lines). No wedgies. If you find them, please buy me 10 pair.
5. A really cool uniform designed by say, Prada or Chanel, so dressing for work is easy.
6. Abs of steel, not jell-o.
7. The perfect every-day purse. Important that it is NOT a big black hole where everything falls to the bottom. Enough inside pockets to stash cell phone, small notebook, wallet, car keys, Maybe a paperback or magazine if you ride the bus. A banana.
8. A magic wand. That works.
9. A decent bra. Why must you try on 50 just to find 1 that fits? Smooth cups. Support without a flying buttress attached. Underwire but no poking. And a strap that doesn't make grooves in your shoulder.
10. One classy "dress up" outfit. One. Just one outfit, because we rarely dress up anymore. Something that is not also made in Junior and Girls' sizes. Nothing trendy with handkerchief hemline or lingerie-style bodice. What the hell happened to the LBD (little black dress).
That's what we need. Right now.

Now soliciting: your top 10 places to find your top 10 things.

Currently enjoying: lemonade
On the Agenda: washing the car followed by Holiday-weekend relaxing.